Why I Left My Church and some personal theology

I feel like to an extent, the modern, common expression of church encourages spiritual laziness.  Though teaching is good and especially in the life of the new believer, necessary, a church culture has been created where the congregation takes and accepts the truth of their pastor as their own without testing that supposed truth for themselves.  Subsequent review and Bible reading are done in a light to affirm what has already been implanted unto them.

But we are encouraged to work out our salvation with fear and trembling and given the Holy Spirit as our Teacher (everyone is given Him in equal capacity as well).  And 1 John 2:27 boldly says, "But the anointing that you received from Him abides in you, and you have no need that anyone should teach you.  But as His anointing teaches you about everything, and is true, and is no lie - just as it has taught you, abide in Him."

I guess one of my issues with my former church/pastor is there was this very implicit haughtiness in his sermons.  Sure he admits to struggling with sin, which is awesome, but as far as his actual words, there's this feeling I discerned of "what I say is truth, and if you don't agree, you're wrong."  And it's a position that most of the congregation seems to adopt as they elevate him almost in a way that they worship him.  But the thing is, he is ultimately preaching his personal, biased opinion based on Biblical passages.  His jumping off point is certainly Scriptural, but often times his conclusion is technically and ultimately his own.  Not to say that's wrong or that that's not what we all do - personal opinions and interpretations can be right, just like they can be wrong.  In humility, we accept the duality of that and thus when someone views something differently than us, though we don't agree, we also don't immediately condemn them as wrong, thus pridefully exalting ourselves as right with no room for any difference.

And I'm not bound to the authority of men.  I'm just not.  I've been given the exact same Holy Spirit as everyone else, and I am near constantly engaging with God through Him - so who's to say that my conclusions are any less valid than an ordained pastor?  Just because another man ordained him?  We've all been ordained by the Holy Spirit!  There just seems to be a case of pastor worship at my former church - but the paster is not infallible.  Only Christ is - Christ abides in us.  I'm saying we don't have to agree with our pastor or take what he says at absolute truth - we're allowed to use the Spirt in us to come to our own conclusions about what Scripture says.  And we shouldn't be shamed for this.  Perhaps this wouldn't be such an unbelievable and radical notion if our church culture hadn't created such a lazy, second-hand Christianity.

But pretty much, the pastor uses different verses in the Bible to come to a conclusion, but the conclusion isn't blatantly stated itself in the Bible.  The conclusion may have merit - often times I agree with one or like the conclusion, but the conclusion in itself isn't Biblically stated, but rather Biblically inspired but ultimately formed by man.  It certainly isn't absolute truth.  I think that's why Paul implores us to work out our own salvation - there's potential danger in accepting another's words as our own truth, just because he's been elevated in our minds.

So yeah, church frustrates me in how it enabled impersonal, lazy spirituality in a lot of ways.  Also, the Sunday establishment of church is not what's necessary in a believer's life - especially at where I'm at right now, I'm honestly missing nothing by not going to listen to one man's take on Scripture for two hours with three friends and 800 strangers who I don't interact with.

I do believe that being apart of a body of believers is important, but I think most church expressions get it wrong - it's such an internal focus there, after all.  Christians affirming and teaching Christians, being with Christians, equipping Christians to...be with Christians.  Being with believes is about going into the world with them to meet the needs of those around, not to internalize ourselves.

So it's not teachings I crave - that can be completely accomplished without going to church on Sunday. Mainly it's mission with a fellowship.  To say Sunday teachings are absolutely necessary bears testament to precisely the lazy spirituality I mentioned previously.  Because we don't put the time in during the week to allow the Holy Spirit to teach us, we then relegating such spiritual feeding to Sunday at the hands of another who's done all the learning from the Spirit from us.  So I don't think that's "church" -  at least not the ultimate purpose of what God intended church to be.

I think the exhortation, correction and what not of believers that the apostles encourage stem not from going to a weekly church sermon, but just ends up being apart of living a life of mission together with a group of believers, when you know each other so well and are so in tune with each other and each other's needs and the Spirit connects you all that you end up constantly shaping each other as you serve and learn together (I've already seen this exemplified in my life with my best friend quite evidently, and we don't go to church together - we live across the country with each other, but we're very intentional and honest in the way we talk about Christ with each other and God uses each of us in the life of the other as a hand in the sanctification process).

I think of the two times I was "rebuked" after I came out - I think these people completely misunderstand their "Christian duty" because those people didn't really know me.  One definitely didn't.  So to be concerned with my spiritual life when you have no real witness to my spiritual life is ridiculous.  You're not there to witness the fruits my life bears and thus have no right to say that my branches need trimming.  What they were doing was assuming their opinion and interpretation was infallibly correct and thus better than mine and so from a place of probably unrealized pride came at me to assert themselves as right and me as wrong, though if other than reading my facebook post and responding they'd actually been apart of my life, they'd see that no bad fruit whatsoever was being sprung from my differing opinion.  I don't think we're meant to rebuke from a distance, and I don't think a rebuke/correction should be in regards to differing opinions.  Like Paul says, pretty much,let each person be fully esteemed in their own convictions.

Ultimately it's about closeness to God,right?  What sin does is provide a barrier to that goal.  Sin is also esteeming something else (ultimately ourselves in some way) as higher than God, which as a result pushes us from Him because we've knocked Him down a few notches in our priorities.

So if it doesn't interfere with my closeness to God, if it doesn't keep us from Him, if it doesn't esteem something above Him - it's not sin.  But then all alternates would be sin.

When you're self-seeking, you're making yourself into your God.  But when you're serving others, you are taking on the qualities of Christ in imitation of Him and thus coming close to Him.  And then ultimately, we seek Christ in all.  We seek and glorify Christ in our love for others.  All sin theoretically could be eliminated by taking the focus entirely off of ourselves.  The NKJV of 1 Corinthians 13:5 says it all: "love does not seek its own."

God wants us to be with Him because He knows that's what will give us our fulfillment, satisfaction, joy.  That He is the best for us.  Just thinking about how love is not self-seeking and God is love - everything He does is not for Him but for us.  That's pretty incredible.

A lack of faith is self-elevating (thus prideful) because it says our shortcomings are greater than God's provision.